How to start a conversation.
🚗🚗🚗 For networking relationships or for aging parents
Frozen voice! It happens to everyone at first. You have a lot of conversations with yourself or with other people. You ruminate. You make up scenarios. You waste time and energy. You don’t have the skills or feel confident in how to start a meaningful conversation. Until you’ve initiated a new relationship a few times in networking and building new relationships, you may wonder what to write on a LinkedIn post to someone new or how to reconnect with a contact you haven’t talked to for a long time.
I know that when I go into a networking event room where I don’t know who is going to be there, I always wonder what I will say to the new people I meet. So, over the years, I’ve gotten much, much better at my strategy. I always have a few topics to start with. I try to get the list of attendees ahead of time. I ask other people how they network. I prepare. I call this my networking strategy or script. But in the actual conversations, I aim to be casual enough that I don’t appear scripted or too nervous. Rehearsed but calm. I lean on preparation, bullet points and key topics.
When I go to a networking event, I know that I can ask three questions to get the conversation started.
1. What do you do?
2. Who is your ideal client?
3. Anything about sports, kids or what they are wearing.
I try not to be super shallow and pick things I think they might be interested in. Of course, question 2, who is your ideal client, is what you really want to connect on because the goal of networking is to see if you can build referral partners and be helpful to the person you are meeting with. Remember, no a$$holes and a good use of everyone’s time.
Once I’ve asked a question, I really listen. I listen for a way to make a connection and see if I can be helpful. I usually make statements such as “Have you met xxxx?” “Have you seen this article?” and “Do you know this group?” Trying to add value gets the conversation moving in a productive way. Work up to asking for what you want. “I’m interested in meeting planners or association or sales leaders who hire speakers.”
My last newsletter on aging parents and driving resulted in many phone calls, emails, and conversations. THANK YOU! I want to share what I know and am experiencing. I don’t have all the answers, but I am in the middle of a lot of different roles right now. Frankly, I want to know if you don’t like these newsletters, too. Remember, my father is reading, and he’s not shy about his opinions, which is why I haven’t unsubscribed him yet. FYI he hates the button below! If you become a paid subscriber, you get more videos and handouts!!!!
Driving and aging parents. What a subject to start a conversation about! It’s like walking into a battlefield with 100 landmines. Both parent and child or spouse or relative know that the “driving conversation” is going to happen. My dad is still driving by the way and he’s never had an accident.
However, starting the conversation is important before there is a problem. One way to begin is by listening for clues that their friends have stopped driving. Next to divorce, disease, and death, driving was a topic that would be announced at our kitchen table.
True story! There was once a woman who got a DWI at age 85 in the middle of the day. Poor thing was on medication, but still she had a drink at lunch, scotch I think, and got pulled over by the police and her car got impounded. She called one of her same age friends to get her a lawyer and drive her down to get the car out of the impound lot later that day. They both drove away. Not sure how her actual driving story ended, but I imagine those children had to have some challenging conversations after that incident.
I prefer to have the driving conversation before there is an incident. I don’t get what I want in every conversation. I might not even “get what I want” more than 25 % of the time. The key is to have the conversation and to work on acceptance while also keeping safety in mind.
The driving conversation will take more than one attempt. I wouldn’t give up my keys in one conversation after 60-plus years of driving. The same way I wouldn’t give a new connection my best introduction on the first meeting. That’s just me. You may be more generous, but I’m cautious. So I recommend putting a toe in the water and asking questions about whether your parents friends are driving. Asking questions such as: “How do you feel driving at night or on the freeway? How’s your vision? Why did you take the neck rests out of the car? Where did that ding come from on the side of your car? What’s wrong with your side mirror?” gets the conversation going and reveals information.
I have two older people in my life who I know had a sense of their skills and were honest and will give up the keys before they hurt someone else. Notice I say had a sense of their skills, this is where the conversation gets tricky. As you age you lose your sense of reality and cognitive decline begins.
My mom’s transition to not driving was subtle and abrupt. We offered her a driver three days a week to take her to the gym. This was precipated by a police person following her home when she was confused and going the wrong way. Shortly after the keys were taken away and she was relieved not to have the burden. So were we!!
Getting confused as an older person must be terrifying. You don’t want anyone to know you’re slipping and you don’t want to admit that you need help. The opposite of being a rebellious toddler or teenager. You’re an older person hiding behaviors from your kids. And as kids, we see everything! So, as a child, I want to support these life transitions with safety and dignity in these conversations.
I try the same approach when networking to see if I can build a relationship that is win-win for both of us. Relationships don’t always work, and they ebb and flow, but agreements prevent disagreements.
As you begin to have conversations with your parents or your network sometimes listening is the best strategy. These are not easy but talking about driving early and often is a good idea, and then of course, take the keys and sell the car!
Good luck and keep me posted on your parents and your networking!
Rock On!
Cathy Paper
P.S. Set up a time with me to go over your checklist and explore coaching or speaking needs!
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https://www.mprnews.org/episode/2024/01/29/a-howto-guide-to-networking